By James Gilbert Pynn

It's my burden to know as much as I do. As a result, it's not unusual for me to taken aside at dinner parties -- the crab cake knocked from my hand, my champagne spilled on my tuxedo -- and asked in no uncertain terms: "What in blazes is an Advanced TCA motherboard?" I am usually forced to turn the culprit loose by jerking my arm free. After I straighten my lapels and palm my hair to my scalp, my reply is always the same: "Get a hold of yourself, man." I am forced to calm them down, after all, there is seldom anything as urgent as needing to know what an Advanced TCA motherboard is.

At its core, forgive the pun, a motherboard is, wellthe center of the computer. Mac or PC, it doesn't matter, every modern computer has a motherboard, though thee Mac people call them logic boards. How trendy, no? Yes, well, 90% of all motherboards fabricated for world consumption are IBM-compatible. These contraptions are the central circuit boards, coalescing and integrating all the data available to the computer.

A momma board allows all the components of the computer to talk to each other. They interface. It's the Grand Central Station of binary communication and is the actual piece of hardware that all other pieces plug into. Simple enough, no? When you plug a new component into your sleek laptop or desktop, you're plugging into the dear, sweet momma board. This means the RAM memory, CPU, graphics cards, sounds cards " everything " goes into the board.

Moving to rejoin the dinner, I like to fix the flower on my lapel and reiterate in my best Alec Baldwin voice that the most important thing to consider when it comes to an Advanced TCA motherboard is the chipset. No, that's not the kind that goes well with onion dip. The chipset supports the microprocessor, which determines how quickly your computer can process data. You know those annoying lags when youre trying to download or save massive files? That's your crappy CPU and inferior motherboard.

Moving through the sparkling crowd of the soiree, I make my way to the champagne tray and sip triumphantly. I am an international man of mystery, a true computer aficionado. Advanced TCA motherboards, Macs, chipsets, logic boards -- I know my stuff. I know I've got a lightening fast computer waiting for me at home. I know it's fast and furious and wired to suit my needs. I am unstoppable.

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